How to design new year’s resolutions that work

It’s the new year, you are full of hope for the next twelve months and with the very best of intentions you make those all important New year’s resolutions. You pick things you think you should change, things that will make you happier, healthier and just a better person all round. How is it then that by the end of the first week of January those sparkling resolutions are already beginning to look a little jaded?
Often its because of the way we have approached designing the resolutions in the first place. If we figure our new year’s resolutions out well in the first place it gives us a far greater chance of success!
Here are three tips to help you design New year resolutions you can stick to:

Create a need to succeed
There you are, the start of a fresh year and there’s some things that you really want to happen. Perhaps you want to shift a stone or two, maybe you want to start yoga and meditation or perhaps you’ve decided to broaden your mind and learn a new language. All are positive, reasonable things to want. The thing is, as the saying goes, we don’t always get what we want.

It’s true, think of all the things you’d have loved to have had, or still do, some of which might have ended up happening, but far more that fell by the wayside. Some that you never even expected to get in the first place (Palatial mansion with pool? Double town house in Mayfair? Magical unicorn that made all wishes come true? - OK maybe not the last one!). The point is we are used to letting things that we want - even if we really wanted them - slip through our grasp. However, if you look at the things you actually needed in life, that’s a different story. Even things that seem near impossible, somehow if we really need them we find a way to get them. We become adept, strategic, all systems go - because there is a genuine need there.
How does all of the above relate to your new year’s resolutions? Instead of just thinking of things you’d like or want to happen, create something that means you need them to happen as well. If we take the resolutions I mentioned earlier;
Shifting a stone or two - how about signing up for a 5 or 10k race in 3 months time, for charity. You need to buy into it, picking a charity that matters to you and getting sponsorship from day one. You’ll be surprised how much the will power to get off the sofa and step away from the biscuits increases. Why? Because its no longer just about you wanting it, there’s a genuine need to do it.
Starting Yoga or meditation - book yourself onto a week’s workshop retreat, not a beginner’s retreat, but at least a level above where you are now. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to reach that level (which will depend on where you are starting from) and then work towards it. If possible either sign up with someone else or start to connect with others who will be there. Involving someone else in your plans often adds to the need to see it through.
Learning a language - the obvious one here is to book a trip to a land where you’ll need to speak the lingo. If you can, pay for the flights now and if not, a non-refundable deposit. Again involve others in some way. You might, for a part of your trip, arrange to do some volunteering at a local school or initiative where you’ll need to be able to speak to locals, or perhaps you book a short course thats in the native language. Even just arranging that part of your trip is off the beaten track might suffice. Whatever it is, ensure that you are going to need to be able to speak a certain amount to get by, set your bar and go for it.
The above are just examples and it is important to choose something that works specifically for you, but creating that need will certainly drive you forward.

Think of your resolution as an ambition, not a punishment
Sure, some of us are stick, some are carrot, but let’s face it, you’ve got much more chance of being motivated to do something if you are going to gain something great from it rather than lose something you didn’t want!
Thinking again about those excess pounds, hitting the gym and sticking to a diet will be hell if the whole thing is about feeling fat and ugly. There’s no better excuse to not slip into some lycra and parade yourself in front of a load of gym bunnies than feeling fat and ugly! No, instead decide where you want to be. You know your own markers, if you are a super ambitious person anyway then fine, go for gold. If not pick something do-able, but genuinely desirable. That pair of jeans you were going to throw out because you haven’t fitted into them for a whole year. Losing 5% and booking a spa pampering day when you get there. Whatever it is, find a positive, active outcome.
What’s the reason it works? Although both ambition and punishment often require you to put the work in to get through, you are allowed to enjoy the path to your ambition, it can help you thrive! There aren’t not many punishments that are designed to do that! Give yourself a chance and aim for something you love!

Your new behaviour needs to be worth more than the old behaviour
Change only happens and continues to happen when what we get from doing something new is better, more rewarding and so easier to stick to than the old way of behaving. This may sound obvious, the bit people miss though is that even negative behaviour patterns can tap into something we need. Take smoking for example. Universally accepted that its bad for us. Kills us in fact. However its often intangibly bad - it can be hard for smokers to associate that hazard with the action of them having a cigarette (hence the scary pics on the pack of course). What is easy for a smoker to associate with is the relief of having a smoke. The time out. The social connection with other smokers. The momentary relaxed breaths it brings - with the fact that its actually going to stop many from breathing at all, far from the mind. Just taking all that away for a far off fear, is often the reason that smokers fail to quit.
Having said all of the above there isn’t a smoker alive, in the western world at least, that doesn’t appreciate the danger. What we need to do then is acknowledge that, and at the same time replace all of the other ‘benefits’ associated with the habit as well. If its primary draw was time out and relaxation, we need to create another way of still getting that time out and relaxation (5 mins out for a coffee and a chat? 5 mins of going for a walk, listening to your favourite track?). If its the breathing we need to learn how to settle into a low relaxed breath. Whatever it ‘gave’ us we need to replace. Of course there is the physical addiction too, which will require a solid strategy to get through, but replacing the other elements will help make that easier. Then we need to off-set the big ‘getting rid’ of the risk with the gain - for many, the more immediate financial gain. Putting all of the money from those pricey cigs in one place week by week and doing something great with it will sure feel good!
It doesn’t matter what the behaviour is that we want to change, whatever it is though, fill the gaps, up the reward and ensure the new behaviour is worth more to you than the old and you are half way there already.

Whatever it is you are wanting to change in the coming year, its all possible, we just need to design it in a way that works for us. If it helps, take a look at the things you achieved in the past - or that others have - and what worked. What made the difference between something that was worth holding out for - and how did it feel when you got there? The clearer the picture you have in your mind, the stronger the connection and drive. The more you can imagine what you are going to do with your achievement, the more purpose it will have. The more chance you have of success!


Once you've got your plans find tips on how to stick to them in my post ... coming soon!
If you want some expert help to succeed and make the changes you want this year, take a look at the New Year Life and Career coaching packages! Choose from a 2 hour one off Booster session, the Resolution Revolution package or even a Life Audit!
Happy 2020!