Be a more confident you at the Christmas do!
rachel Coffey
There may be a few of us out there who love chatting away at a party, but somehow for many the idea of walking into a room and chit-chatting with people they barely know can be cringe-inducing, even for the most confident speakers. Here’s your guide to getting through the small talk in one piece;
Breathe
Yep, you got it, sounds simple, but if you are one of those people who’s mind turns into a fuzzy blankness at the question “So, tell me, what do you do?…” the chances are, momentarily at least, you’ve stopped breathing. With a lack of oxygen going to the brain, it makes it hard to think - and sends our adrenaline to all kinds of crazy places! Before you enter the room, give yourself a moment to take a nice calm low relaxed breath, as you breath out, let the anxiety out too. Then put your best foot forward as you calmly enter the room!
Stand tall
Its easy not to notice what we are doing with our body language - but we are all actually experts at reading it in others. Though we may not be consciously aware of the reason that one person looks confident and open and another reserved and judgemental, somewhere in there we have it all worked out. Of course this is true of those who are meeting you too! Protective body language is very similar to defensive body language, shy is similar to disinterested. Arms crossed, looking at the floor, angling ourselves away from people. Give yourself the best chance of receiving a welcoming reception by standing tall (confidence), uncrossing your ams (open) and making natural eye contact - or at least looking at peoples faces (engaged and interested). As a by-product just changing your stance can actually make you feel like the more confident version of you you want to be too!
Take your time and shape your words
I know this might sound odd, but a funny thing happens when people feel nervous about speaking to new people. In an attempt to ‘not say anything stupid’ we tend to speak at a lower volume than normal and - because of the tension we feel - tighten our jaw. The thinking behind this is if we did happen to say something less than stellar, it might just pass on by without really standing out. In reality it simply means that people can’t hear what we are saying. Especially in a busy room. The result: either your listener will nod politely and then seemingly completely ‘ignore’ what you are saying or they will ask you to repeat yourself… and then seemingly ignore what you are saying! This can feel hideously uncomfortable for the speaker and usually leads them toward saying nothing at all. If you are going to speak - and please do - allow others to hear what you are saying. Relax your jaw, up the volume a little and let the words out. Chances are you’ll be glad you did as you’ll receive an interested response and feel a whole lot better!
Ask about them
One of the things that people focus on is the idea that they are being judged in some way (though this often has more to do with how they feel about themselves than how others might view them). A classic way around this is to ask others about themselves. You’d be amazed just how much people like to talk about themselves- where they live, their job, family, pets, travel, the lot. Think of a few general questions before the event. Importantly, listen to the answers, which will in turn allow you to follow up with another question, a positive comment or indeed your own experience of the topic. If you get really good at this you may even need a raft of excuses prepped to allow you to extricate yourself and move on to the next person (some people really do like to talk!). All in all though, it will give you the best chance of making a connection and allowing the conversation to flow.
Smile
That old chestnut! There’s no doubt though a warm, genuine smile can speak a thousand words. Without (barely) opening your mouth, you’ll already have come across as authentic and approachable. Somehow it can feel a little alien at first, but that self conscious feeling will evaporate with each positive reaction you receive. What really works though is when the smile is real. To do this, on your way to the event, bring to mind a time that you found really funny. Doesn’t matter what it is, just the kind of thing that , if you weren’t on public transport would make you laugh out loud. Doing this will wake up those smile muscles and give you the sparkle in your eye that’s simply irresistible!
If you’d like a bit of help perfecting that confident you, take a look at the confidence packages anything from a 2 hour bespoke session or complete programme to get you where you want to be!